I have a confession to make: I'm wet for John Waters. Of course, I'm not the only BUSTy broad who loves the professional provacateur; Kat Dennings sings his praises in our Dec./Jan. issue, and I'm told that boss lady Laurie hugs a John Waters pillow at night. And as the weather outside gets frightful, you can be sure that the kitsch-obsessed Santa-for-perverts will warm our hearts and loins by delivering something delightful. 

Waters has famously curated a collection of creepy Christmas tunes and sends special cards to lucky friends every holiday season; this year, he'll "ride into town on his sleigh full of smut" to present his one-man show "A John Waters Christmas- Putting the 'X' in Xmas" at B.B. King in New York, December 19-20:

"Waters's rapid-fire monologue explores and explodes traditional archetypes as he shares his compulsive desire to give and receive perverted gifts, a religious fanaticism for Santa Claus, and an unhealthy love of true crime holiday horror stories."

Tickets are available for $39.50 on Ticketmaster, so treat your fave Waters fan to an early gift. The night promises to be way more fun than you can stuff in a stocking.

For more info, check out B.B. King online.

SUGGESTED FIREPLACE READING: "Why I Love Christmas," by John Waters.

Images via B.B. King's, Amazon, and Dreamland, "the ultimate guide to John Waters."