GUYS. Drop what you’re doing immediately and get your notebooks ready: Flavorwire has complied a list of etiquette tips from ten pop culture icons, so we can all finally learn how to be ~real~ people!
Below, we have provided some of the extra helpful guidelines, so that next time you go out in public, you can wow the world.
1. In New York Magazine’s Urban Etiquette Handbook, Tobias Fünke David Cross gives his number one rule about talking to a celebrity: “If you don’t know who he is, ask your friend. Or a stranger. Don’t ask him. And certainly don’t ask him to keep listing his résumé until you realize he’s the guy from Blade of Innocence 2 who lost his shoe and got killed by the vampire with outer-space AIDS.” Got that, y'all? Very helpful. Very, very helpful.
2. Amy Poehler also contributed to the Urban Etiquette Handbook, stating, “Etiquette in New York is all about time management. In other places, you seem rude if you see someone and don’t talk to them long enough. But here, it’s all about speed. And people are fine with that. It’s like, ‘Hello. It’s nice to see you. Thank you for giving me your kidney. I gotta go...”
In case you feel like you need more structure, Poehler also provides a list of rules that all New Yorkers (and probably all people) should abide by:
1. Be nice to everyone, especially people wearing hospital bracelets. 2. Don’t ask white girls if they “left their ass at home.” 3. If you have to bring your baby to a movie, make sure he laughs at appropriate times. 4. Don’t eat Cheetos and then sit down at a fancy hotel piano. 5. If you are in Central Park and think you are getting mugged, first check to see if maybe you’re just part of a student film. 6. If you see Oprah at a fancy function, don’t grab her wrist and ask for money. Quietly sneak up behind her and whisper, “You give me that money, Oprah. You hear me?” 7. When walking on a New York street, try not to spit, litter, bleed, or take a crap. 8. If you need to do any of these things, try to do it between two parked cars.
Soo, it's official: Amy Poehler is the best human on the planet.
3. With all the social media these days, it’s sometimes confusing to know how to not be a jerk on the Internet (some are more confused that others)—but don’t worry, Lena Dunham is here to tell you what you absolutely should not do. Writing about a particularly traumatic Facebook interaction she had with an old college boyfriend’s mother, she shares in a New Yorker essay the message she received two years after the breakup:
“Hi, Lena — Bill and I remember you with such pleasure and fondness! But it’s time to sever the Facebook connection so I’m going to block you. We wish you all the best!”
UM. DO NOT DO THIS. EVER.
4. For those of you about to throw a party, former BUST covergirl and hilarious lady Amy Sedaris gives great advice in her book, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence, where she helps you be the best hostess ever. One of her most valuable points emphasizes the importance of good introductions, i.e. you can never, ever say, “This is Barbara, she can’t have children.”
5. The final, and arguably best tip that we’ll share is one from the queen of everything. (Beyoncé, duh.) Watch her in this video teach us how to “BEY Confident” and play pool like a true goddess.
Check out the rest of the tips HERE, and here’s hoping you charm everyone with these new guidelines for your life!